So I got a lot of feedback on a post about relationships for twentysomethings and wanted to follow-up with some of it.
Anyone who is a recent college graduate (either class of 2008 with me, 09, and some from 07) are in the exact same spot as me. Whereas most from the class of 07 and older are more career-minded, but admit to having these thoughts.
I think it's because young girls are focused so much on school, but maybe not so much careers. You see, we're taught to be good students and follow the rules, but boys are more encouraged on being ruthless when it comes to making a living. You can argue with me all you want on this but I'm not talking about YOUR specific family. I'm talking about the general population and how boys and girls are raised differently.
I say this because many of my friends who are finally done with school suddenly have lost all of their courage when it comes to the real world. Sure, they carry on just fine and make careers for themselves but they seem to have way more stage fright along the way than men. Why is this? Are men groomed more to be big, bad businessmen? Are women taught to follow the rules more, which we then find out doesn't work in the real world?
So give me your thoughts on this one, because I'm starting to agree that while women are taught they can have as many careers as Barbie, the whole thought of being ruthless in these careers is seriously lacking. (Yes, I know the Barbie comment is a whole other blog post for another day).
Thus, could this scare us enough to make us want to rush into marriage and settling down? Maybe our lack of courage and inability to be ruthless in our careers makes us yearn for a second half that could bring our bite back. Or, are we attracted to what we've seen our mothers do and thus what is more natural to us? (Note* My mother has always had a career and my father does most of the "home" duties, but I still associate the reverse).
Thoughts?
8 comments:
First, dad has always had a career too. And I disagree with your entire article...I have always been quiet but the tops sales manager and everyone has noticed and made me more of a leader. Maybe your "generation", if we aren't in the same...are just lazy. They don't want to work or are just too damn lazy to be aggressive.
and I think this whole 'have to be in a relationship' is in your head...I have a lot of friends who are 25, 26 etc and are single. They are fine with it. Women marry later in life now, we aren't in the 40's anymore !!!
i'm not saying anyone is lazy, but so many conversations i've had with friends revolves around marriage. everyone is looking for a guy, and everyone has all the details planned out in their wedding.
you can't deny that you don't.
and i didn't say they're actually getting married, they just can't talk about it.
** can't stop talking about it.
Bottom line: if you're female, in your mid-20's, and single...no matter how many times you deny it out loud...you're still always searching for 'the one', even if that thought in the back, back far reaches of your brain. Not saying you can't be happy and have those thoughts - it's definitely possible - but you never stop thinking about it.
Also: I find that older generations still put intense amount of pressure on our generation to start a life with someone else, get married, have babies, etc. RIGHT NOW...not in another 10 years. I get questioned ALL THE TIME from older relatives and family friends about whether I have a boyfriend, am I seeing anyone, have I met "anyone special" recently. It's exhausting trying to stay positive and nonchalant about it, when you're getting constantly interrogated.
I'm not normally someone who chimes in on blogs, but I couldn't let this one slide. I agree with Stephanie on all counts.
As a single, woman in her late 20s, I have no little voice in my head telling me I have to be married or even in a relationship. I don't have that pressure from family or friends either.
Take it from someone who was days away from being married the worst thing you can do is dwell on the fact that you think you're supposed to be settled down right now, it can be detrimental. Next thing you know you're engaged to someone that you realize you totally don't belong with and then you wake up one morning and say to yourself, crap, I did this all because I thought I was supposed to.
And say what you will about me "denying" things, but I am not and have not been searching for the "one" and I must admit my life is much more relaxing knowing that when it is supposed to happen it will. I don't know what you girls in your early 20's are so worried about, it will happen, don’t push it.
In response to Elizabeth:
I don't think that we're suggesting that any one person should "push it" when it comes to finding "the one" -- trust me, I'm the champion for all of Beyonce's single ladies out there. I would NEVER suggest someone settle for less than what they deserve, especially when it comes to spending the rest of your life with someone. I've dished that advice to friends of all ages multiple times.
In fact, I'm a HUGE believer in "it'll happen when it happens" -- that's been my answer for years to all of the older pressure-givers I mentioned earlier. And that's still my answer, cause I'm single.
And while you might not be feeling that particular pressure from others - you can't deny that you don't still think about it, as a member of society and someone who takes in mass media. It's whether you SUCCUMB to the pressure and start settling is the ultimate problem...which none of us are doing! :)
Hey guys,
Great comments, I love getting feedback.
See, what happened with me is I was sort of given an ultimatum (altho he'll deny) on marriage/family or a career. Obviously I said I wasn't ready. Now since I have neither I'm at a point in my life where I'm like maybe the real world isn't cut out for me maybe I should have chose that other road. Of course that means I would have never had the city experience or Vietnam, but everyone has their doubts, no?
Like I said to Laura, how many men will turn around and say "oh man, the real world is so tough." Instead, women are like "whoa, I was taught my whole life to play fair and now nothing is..." and many of us are putting things into perspective and wondering if getting settled down would be more fulfilling than sitting in a cubicle. I think women are so multi-faceted and in tune with the world around us that we struggle with which road to take.
I hope that makes sense.
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