I've been dating/talking to/whatever with farmer mike since the middle of January. Never met each others friends or family (except the first night we met and were all wasted)...but have been doing the whole meet half way thing and blah blah blah. well he moved out of his parents [farm] house on Thursday and yesterday asked me if I wanted to come over to see his new apartment.
So I drive out to Stockton, NJ (never heard of it? There's a reason for that) and see his mailbox, but cant find his house...so I call him and he goes do you see the big hill? and I replied 'yes' and he said 'you have to drive up it.' Well I'm in a Toyota Solara...it's pouring rain. So I cant get up the hill because of the mud and rain and I'm stuck. I reversed to get some kind of head start and got stuck the other way.
I got myself out and up the hill and at the top were 3 giant cows with horns- no fucking joke. I didn't want to get out of my car and I looked to my left and there were 2 donkeys humping each other. And on the other side there was a horse and a mini pony.
THEN I called him and made him come out and get me...and there were cats by my feet....I HATE CATS.
So I'm completely out of my element and i get to the front door and a 4 year old answers...and there is a 2 year old on the couch..and 2 grown men. He neglected to tell me that his brother was home, he had his kids for the weekend and the friend was his other roommate. THEN his brother got called into work and we had to take his nephews to dinner and put them to bed. I'm 24 fucking years old and I'm playing house...farmer version.
The moral of the story is that I still haven't gotten laid. His donkey is getting more ass then I am...no pun intended.
After a lot of "LMAO's" and "hahahaha" and a little "bahaha" the friend said:
If you could pull yourself together and give me some advice that would be wonderful.
I think I need another day. File this post under "farmer."
2 comments:
Oh my God...
CHRIS!!
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